I don’t have a good enough vocabulary to describe how ridiculous this has become.

Every time I play a song, half the room cheers and squeaks “OOOHHH YEAHHH” like High Schoolers who are at a Taylor Swift concert before she floats out in a flying convertible singing “Hey Stephen.”

The other half whines and cries like toddlers who just got told by their parents at Disney World they can’t have a snow cone. Every four minutes I’m between a rock and a hard place. 

I’m in this phase where I hate writing in paragraph form, so here are my remaining thoughts on the subject I’d like to tell my teammates:

  1. For two months I didn’t know we had WiFi at Toyota Park, and none of you told me, so feel free to drop some coins in the SnapBack I’m going to leave in front of my locker for help with data charges.
  2. A nice thing to do may be to pool money together and get me a Mophie battery charger, because I’m a busy woman trying to get a media empire off the ground and every day I waste -18% battery on you all.

  3. Before I go out to practice, make sure you guys extend an olive branch to remind me of all the things I need, since by the end of the 20 minute changing window my mind is turned to mush from trying to please all of you.
  4. And finally, above all, remember, until one of you takes it upon yourself to bring in a new speaker, song recommendations are, and always will be, prohibited (shout out to Bose for helping me be a Spotify Tyrant).